I SPY A BOY
by WhatWldMrsWeasleyDo
Summary: Draco plots revenge on Hermione by stalking her husband. Song fic. Explicit references to male/male and male/female sexual encounters.


**Title: **I SPY A BOY

**Author: **WhatWldMrsWeasleyDo

**Summary:** Draco plots revenge on Hermione by stalking her husband. A song fic for_ 'I Spy'_ by Pulp.

**Pairings: **Draco/Ron, Hermione/Ron.

**Disclaimer: **The characters belong to JK Rowling, Warner Bros., Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books etc. Complete song lyrics to '_I Spy',_ from the Pulp album '_Different Class' _written by and remaining the property of Cocker/Banks/Mackey/Senior/Doyle/Webber.

**Warning:** Explicit descriptions of male/male sex acts, implication of male/female relationship.

**Author's note:** The words in italics are all the lyrics to the song. The words not in italics are mine.

**I SPY A BOY**

The tea has a scum on it and the croissant is like cardboard, but I breakfast here every day because this cafe has the perfect view.

_I spy a boy_

He's at the window of the second floor flat opposite. It's difficult to appreciate his perfection from here – but I know the shape of his freckle-backed fingers. I know the light flutter of his ginger lashes.

_I spy a girl_

She does all the talking, pointing to things and sometimes showing him pieces of paper. He sets the table, pours the tea, while she brushes her bushy brown hair.

_I spy the worst place in the world. In the whole wide world._

He pulls her towards him and kisses her on the cheek. She turns her head and their lips meet. Then she leans over the highchair, picks up her briefcase and hurries out. He stays at the window, staring out, waiting for her to emerge from the front door so he can wave at her as she heads down the street. Some mornings she forgets to look up.

_Oh you didn't do bad, you made it out,_

She's his passport to the Muggle world, of course, his escape route out of our tiny, judgemental community.

_I'm still stuck here._

I have to shop on Diagon Alley where every person knows every thing that any member of my family has ever done.

_Oh but I'll get out. Oh, yeah, I'll get out._

Because I spy. I watch the Muggle world and I'm learning how it works. I see the secret ways Ron and his wife use their magic undetected. Soon I will enjoy the anonymity of the crowded city, too.

_Can't you see a giant walks among you, seeing through your petty lives?_

Your muddy blood stinks; you have no idea how disgusting you are. I sweeten the air I breath with charms. You have no defences against me; you have no idea how powerful I am.

_Do you think I do these things for real? I do these things just so I survive. And you know I will survive._

I can use a phone box now, I can charm an ATM, I've learnt the Highway Code so I don't get run over. I'm working on the credit card. Tomorrow I might use a calculator. I borrow the freedoms of the Muggle city because here I can go about my business without the whispers of the blood traitors against me.

_It might look to the untrained eye I'm sitting on my arse all day. I'm biding time until I take you all on._

I will be a leader amongst you, you pathetic unmagicals. Soon. I just need to spy on you long enough to learn all your ways.

_My Lords and Ladies I will prevail. 'Cause I spy._

I know about the numbers and the banks and the Stock Exchanges. I know how to predict a day in advance.

_Oh, I've got your number, taken notes. I know the way your minds work. I have studied._

Every morning I take my favourite study period, the one where I watch the magical couple who have merged with the Muggles. I watch you Ron, I watch every slight movement.

_And your minds are just the same as mine except that you are clever swines:- You never let your mask slip, you never admit to it, you're never hurried. Oh no no._

She strides off to her important job on Harley Street, where she uses fairly basic spells to make rich Muggle women feel better about their failing looks. She leaves him at the window. That is your mistake, Hermione.

_And every night I hone my plan – how I will get my satisfaction, how I will blow your paradise away. 'Cos I spy._

I watch him raise his arm hopefully, watching you retreat. When you don't look up, he drops his hand down to run it through his pillow-rumpled hair.

_It's just like in the old days -_

I used to look across the Great Hall at breakfast time. He pushes the heels of his hands against his heavy lids in just the same way.

_I used to compose my own critical notices in my head: "The crowd gasp at Cocker's masterful control of the bicycle, skilfully avoiding the dog turd next to the corner shop."/_

"Malfoy's broom swoops low, he dodges the chasers, the snitch is within his grasp!" I had to provide myself with my own unbiased commentary, Lee Jordan never gave me credit for anything.

_Imagining a blue plaque above the place I first ever touched a girl's chest._

That was a mistake, of course. Pansy had presented herself as a challenge, the other boys said she was frigid. I was, naturally, victorious. But I ran my palms over those soft, springy protrusions wondering how I was supposed to feel. I had hold of the prize, but I didn't know what to do with it.

_But hold on, you've got to wait for the best._

I knew what I really wanted, Hermione, I knew who I really wanted to do it with.

_You see you should take me very seriously, very seriously indeed._

You were always in my way, pushing me into second place in every subject, exposing me to my Father's scorn. I play a slow game, Granger, but I play to win.

_'Cos I've been sleeping with your wife for the past sixteen weeks._

I cross the road and ring the bell. While you're at work I make him happy.

_Smoking your cigarettes,_

I help myself to everything you have. I've been raiding your fridge, watching your television, using your calculator,

_drinking your brandy,_

ripping off the pyjamas you bought him, leaving my clothes on your chair, throwing him onto your duvet,

_messing up the bed that you chose together_

our naked bodies sliding over each other, grinding, pushing, grabbing, biting. We pant into each other's ears.

_And in all that time I just wanted you to come home unexpectedly one afternoon and catch us at it in the front room._

I distract him every time, making him forget to close the curtains, unlocking the front door when he turns away. I hope you will have left some important paperwork at home. I long to see you standing in that doorway, so shocked at how abandoned he is with me.

_You see I spy for a living and I specialise in revenge, in taking the things I know will cause you pain._

Your eyes wide, your mouth open, your lover mine and your world shattered. I'm not second best any more, Granger, because no-one else can make him gasp and moan the way I can.

_I can't help it, I was dragged up._

I wasn't taught much about friendship, but I'm an expert in hate. I know instinctively how to destroy you from the inside out.

_My favourite parks are car parks._

You bossed him into learning to drive so he drives us out to multi-storeys where he sucks me off in the lifts.

_Grass is something you smoke. Birds are something you shag._

Or, in my case, fuck over. Make the most of your polite Muggle dinner parties, discussing good schools, bad architecture, foreign holidays and twee, middle-class books.

_Take your Year in Provence and shove it up your ass._

Make the most of being the first lieutenant to the Boy Who Lived on all those front covers of the Daily Prophet. Slide successfully between your worlds. Because I'm making the most of the best thing you've got a lot more often than you are.

_Your Ladbroke Grove looks turn me on, yeah. With roach burns in designer dresses and thousands of tiny dryness lines beating a path to the corner of your eyes._

Every morning I sneak in and take over your home.

_And every night I hatch my plan._

He assumes that it's in my interest to keep his dirty little secret. He thinks I want your little family intact, but then he never was a clever as us, was he?

_It's not a case of woman v man,_

it's not a case of Muggle-born v Pureblood, it's not a case of Gryffindor v Slytherin. It's not even a case of Light v Dark.

_It's more a case of haves against haven'ts ..._

You always had the answers, the exam results, the knowledge that saved Potter at the last minute, the friends in influential places. We had the plans, you had the ways to foil them.

_... and I just happen to have got what you need, just exactly what you need, yeah._

He was so easy to seduce. He's so lonely, stuck in that flat all day. I'll take away your loneliness, Ron!

_La la la la la la la la la la, in the midnight hour. La la la la la la la la la la, I will come to you._

I'm coming to rescue you.

_I will take you from this sickness, dinner parties and champagne,_

Run away with me. Choose me. Once she finds us at it, you'll have nothing left to lose.

_I'll hold your body and make it sing again._

All night, every night, I will lie with the body she thinks she has stolen from me. Our love won't be a grubby hidden thing that fumbles in piss-stinking stairwells any more. There'll be no more releasing into tissues to protect the upholstery.

_Come on – sing again, let's sing again._

I know every part of your lives, I know every place you go and everything you do, in the Muggle and the Magical worlds. I know how well regarded you are in both. I know the toothpaste you use and the relatives you visit, I know who supplies your Floo powder and the names and exact ages of your children.

_Oh yeah. 'Cos I spy._

I've got everything worked out. I will have everything. I just need to work out a way to get to talk to him so I can seduce him. I will be in the street when he walks past. I'll greet him. I'll have to break through the barrier of his old loathing.

_I spy a boy_

He's waving to her at the window. I just need the words and the courage to approach him.

_I spy a girl_

She looks up and back, shifts her briefcase to her other hand and blows him a kiss. He pantomimes catching it. They laugh together, separated by the glass and two storeys but still gazing into each other's eyes.

_I spy a chance to change the world._

He takes the children to the park every Thursday morning. I could just happen to be there. He might not remember me or he might be ready to forgive. If not, I'll find a way. I will seduce him. He'll take me back to the flat and we'll leave the door unlocked and she'll find us. I can help him carry the pushchair up all those stairs. But what will we do with the children while I bend him over the coffee table?

_To change your world._


End file.
